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Contagious Reads

I blog all things contemp, horror, romance, NA, and erotica

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Tabitha Suzuma
Bold Tricks (The Artists Trilogy, #3)
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Beautiful Bastard - Christina Lauren **This is an erotica review. It is not intended for younger readers.**
I have a foul mouth and if you don't like seeing such things in review then proceed with caution.

2.5 stars. One of the most insulting things readers can hear about a book is it's twighlit fanfic. Seriously, some people hear that and immediately say HELL NO. Me, I'm like heck yeah, I need a good laugh. I KNOW for a FACT that I will not like the book. FOR A FACT. I like Twilight. Don't get me wrong, but my reading tastes have matured. A lot. And frankly reading about two people fucking non stop only works when the book is under 100 pages. At least for me. Lots and Lots of people love this book.
And honestly, I'd rather passionately love a book or hate a book. It's the 'meh' books that kill me. And this book was very love/hate. So bravo to the writers for entertaining me. Maybe not in their intended way, but I was entertained nonetheless.
The story here is: he's an asshole. Aloof, demanding, and oh so good looking. He hooks up with his intern, and it turns into a fuck fest, then into a love story? I think.
She is a bitch, innocent, flirty, sexy, and she likes expensive underwear. "Power panties". Yes, she really calls them power panties. No I don't begrudge women who choose to wear sexy underthings. I prefer a nice comfy pair of boy shorts that cost under 10 bucks. I don't understand the point of spending 20, 30, 40, 50, 100+ dollars on a scrap of material that probably costs pennies. But hey, I'm a book whore/addict who am I to judge, so to each their own. <--see I was judgy but pulled one of those "no offense" type things right there. Get out of Jail Free card. WHOOT. <br/>Everything, I mean, everything is handed to this girl. She supposedly works hard...but we don't ever really see either of them working. Which is ok, because this book would have really sucked if they had replaced monotonous sex with boring office details.
Yes, I just called the sex monotonous. It's not because it isn't hot. It's because it's repetitive. Over and over and over and over again. The first few scenes hot. Then it goes into...oh my gosh are they ever going to like not bump uglies.
Details that bothered me:

They never, not even once worry about using a condom. I don't care if she is on the pill or not. There is a lot more to safe sex than pregnancy. I'd think that would be the least of my worries. There are options if you are not ready for a child. Once you have herpes, or AIDS, it's kind of there. You know, in the forever way, there.
How easily they slip from fuck buddies to in love with each other without ever having a real conversation.

His collection of underwear. Not her clean undies...nope ones that were just described in the scene as soaking. Eww. That shit gets gross and attracts dogs. Truth. Almost every woman has had to stop a dog from stealing dirty underwear from the clothes hamper.

I'm sick of how easily these characters are willing to throw things away after one misstep. I am equally as sick, as to how easily they are able to pick up the pieces and start right back up where they left off. Human relationships are not disposable cups. You can't just use it once, maybe get a refill or two, throw it away and then just decide to pick through the garbage to get it back. Once you deem something disposable it takes a lot of work to get it back into a good condition. I'm not saying that I don't want to see problems and conflict in books. Because without those no book would ever be worth reading, but I would really like to see real effort sometimes. The conflict in this book took one page to describe, twenty pages to mope over, and two pages to resolve.

Crap. Am I even on topic anymore? I think at this point I am just ranting, and letting my personal feelings vomit all over this review. Shucks.
My favorite scene from this book comes from when they are sleeping together in San Diego. Bennett has eaten something that upsets his tummy. Chloe gets up in the middle of the night to check on him:
"Bennett, are you okay?"
"I'm not felling well. I'll be fine, go back to bed."
"Is there anything I can get you?" I asked.
"I'm fine. Just please, go back to bed."
"Chloe," he groaned, obviously annoyed.

My first thought: Oh shit, somebody has the bubbly guts. LOL. How humiliating. He's pooping his brains out in her hotel bathroom.
Which turns out to not be the case, but, if it had I think it would have taken this book to at least a 4.5 star rating.

Second thought, once it's revealed he's puking. Oh fuck, if he were a girl then this would be the part where we find out she's pregnant from all the unprotected sex. Since we get told that Benny has a huge ding dong, on more than one occasion, that is not the case here. Le Sigh.
Third thought: Fuck he has Cancer and this is where he reveals he is going to die. Sorry to disappoint but that turn of events didn't happen either.
Clearly, at this point, 79%. I was dying for something. So much so that I would have been willing to accept all of these ridiculously porny options.
So to tie this whole ranty long review up...
This book is good for:
People who like such books as FSOG. In all honestly, it wasn't as bad as that.
People who like to make fun of books like FSOG. (I admit it. That's me.)
People who like to be entertained.
People who like lots of sex (and once again some of the sex scenes were freaking hot).